Let me tell you about Sam
I have this uncle, Sam, whom I love dearly. Sam is a role model for role models everywhere. He’s always looking out for the little guy, and he’s the kind of person whom you’d be proud to call your friend.
Sam is a very imposing figure - in fact, he’s downright intimidating and frightening if you didn’t know any better. He’s perhaps the strongest guy I’ve ever known. Sam could walk into a bad neighborhood (I mean a really bad neighborhood) and make the unsavory residents want to hide in the shadows. He has that almost comic book-like ability to “strike fear in the hearts of evildoers,” and those who once lived in fear are overjoyed when Sam stands up on their behalf, because they know they have nothing to fear when Sam is around. Messing with Sam’s friends is the same as messing with Sam himself, and few are stupid enough to do that.
Sam is also very wealthy. I mean stinkin’ rich. But he’s always been generous with his wealth. I’ve seen him give away millions of dollars to those less fortunate, in countries all over the world. He’s used his wealth to build hospitals, roads, schools, and countless other charitable acts for people who had no other means. He’s even given money to people who didn’t like him all that much. But he’s had a really bad habit of spending money on stupid things that I’d liken to magic beans. We told him that this wanton spending spree was a bad idea, but his generosity wouldn’t allow him to quit. Oh, he’s promised to quit, but those were just empty promises. He spends money where he sees a need, regardless of whether a need really exists, and regardless of what his family says. He’s generous… to a fault.
Lately, Uncle Sam has fallen on some tough times. Like everybody else, he has a lot less money than he used to before the economy went South. But still he spends like there’s no tomorrow. Uncle Sam hasn’t been able to cope with the fact that his money just isn’t as plentiful as it once was. Sam’s finances are in worse shape than we realized. I honestly think if he could just control his spending he’d be fine, and in a few years everything would be back to normal. But… I think he’s losing it a little bit. Not only has he not cut back on his spending, he’s decided to spend more than ever before. He’s even borrowing money to cover his habit, spending money he just doesn’t have.
It reminds me of an old movie with Dick Van Dyke called Fitzwilly. It’s a comedy about a little old lady named Miss Vicky whose wealthy father dies. She continues living in the mansion her father owned with her extensive staff of servants. She is a very generous philanthropist, giving gifts to everyone in sight and spending money to meet the needs of people around her. But she has no idea that she is flat broke. Her servants concoct elaborate schemes to steal money and valuables from the rich and from various businesses so that they can provide Miss Vicky with the money she needs to continue her charitable distributions. Her servants don’t see this as immoral; after all, they are only stealing from the rich and from heartless businesses and corporations, and they’re doing it for a “good cause.” Meanwhile, Miss Vicky remains oblivious to what is being done in her name.
It’s an interesting and funny movie. But the parallels to Sam’s life are unmistakable, and not very funny at all. Uncle Sam has a lot of these Robin Hood characters working for him, and he doesn’t understand that they are ruining him. In fact, they’ve been doing the exact same thing as Fitzwilly and his crew - stealing from “the rich” (which they define very loosely and on a sliding scale) and raiding corporations to fund Uncle Sam’s reckless spending habits. The problem is, these people and corporations know that Sam is taking the money from them, but they are powerless to stop it, because Sam is simply too powerful to mess with, and too popular among those who are receiving the gifts.
I want to believe that Sam honestly has no idea what is being done in his name. His servants are really the ones running the show, and they’re nothing more than thugs. Sam has unwittingly become the figurehead of a very powerful mob that is intimidating and extorting people for money to fuel Sam’s habits. And unlike Fitzwilly, they’re not doing it out of love for Uncle Sam - they’re making a power grab, and unfortunately they are proving very successful at it.
Sam is spending himself into the poor house, borrowing money to do so, and using confiscated funds to augment his budget. Now his thugs are even threatening to take over companies in their entirety and at their sole discretion. Worse than that, some of those bullies who used to tremble at the sight of Sam are now starting to call him out, because they think he’s weak. If he won’t stand up to the bullies running his own household, the other bullies probably don’t have much to fear from him anymore. If Uncle Sam doesn’t pull his head out and do what’s right, I’m afraid there will no longer be anybody to stand up to the bullies.
I’m really worried about my Uncle Sam. He almost seems punch-drunk. Is there anybody out there who can help him? He’s in serious need of an intervention. Right now he’s acting like a crack addict with a gambling addiction, or the Prodigal Son who’s wasting his father’s inheritance on wine and whores. Please help my Uncle Sam before it’s too late. He’s really a good guy at heart, I swear. He’s just out of his mind right now.
